Meet The Vagina Speaker

I may not have a child, and most people may not trust me with their children, but if I was to breed, I would hope to have a child that loves music as much as I do. Yes, I know, that's called narcissism, and I'm okay with that.

Anyways, thanks to modern technology, musical moms-to-be everywhere can start training their spawn to be musical in utero (not the Nirvana album) in a brand new way with the Babypod. This device, unfortunately (or fortunately, if you're into that, this is a judgment-free zone) goes straight into the vagina, as it is a speaker for your baby's earholes and your or your woman's hole too.

With Babypod, your baby can suck in the benefits of listening to music during development, and learn to resent you for your musical tastes at a much earlier age. The Babypod is like the Bose headphones of coochy speakers: they claim to deliver music with a certain crisp sound the baby wouldn't get externally.

The website reads, "Scientific studies show that is the only one that stimulates the vocalization of babies before birth through music and encourages their neural development." It continues, "With Babypod, the strongest bond starts through music and inside the belly. It will be the first shared experience between a mother and her baby and the child’s first musical and learning experience."

So how, exactly, does one use a vagina speaker? There is a small speaker attached to a chord that you insert into the vagina, like a tampon but also not. You can connect the jack plug to your smartphone, and there is another audio input on the top of the connector for your headphones. When you're done, simply practice the method that may have failed you a few months ago and pull out.